29 August 2009


Not at all what I was expecting.

Really good.


Love Russian and Mongolian landscapes, so this film is right up my alley in that regard. And then it's done even smarter, with a great cast and a smart script.

Brad Anderson (of TV crime drama fame) directs.

28 August 2009

Severed Ways : The Norse Discovery of America

I'm not sure about the Norse Discovery of anything. In this film, two immature D&D players run around in the woods for two hours, killing chickens, fish, monks, and finally our patience. At one point, the director actually films someone defecating... and I'm not sure why.

According to the jacket:
In the 11th century, Vikings, Native Americans, and Irish monks collide on the shores of North America in a historical epic adventure of exploration, personal glory, and religious dominance.
Epic adventure? This barely qualifies as a hero's journey, let alone an epic adventure. They wake up, walk 200 feet, say about 10 words, and repeat this 20 times ad nauseum. What's so epic about being lost in the woods?
Abandoned by a Western exploration party and stranded in the New World, two lone Vikings struggle for survival while still in the grip of their Norse ways. eaturing an icy black metal soundtrack including Burzum, Morbid Angel, Judas Priest and Dimmu Borgir.
Of course, in order to appreciate any of that music you have to NOT put it on x2 speed, so that the figures on the screen actually move at a normal pace — this did help me finish this 107 minute film in about 60 minutes.

Two retarded films in a row. What an awesome night for me. Woohoo.

Megashark vs. Giant Octopus

While, I would love to say the movie was so good, they didn't even have to bother naming it, this preview is all of the footage of the beasts you'll actually see in film.


It's that bad.

This could have been fun. Instead it was stupider than Michael Bay and had worse special effects than the Godzilla rubber suit movies.

27 August 2009


Doubt was a play before it was made into a movie and the use of monologue-ing and dialoging is ever-present throughout. There are no fist fights. No car chases. No Ridiculous special effects.

Just three amazing actors (Hoffman, Adams, Streep) working to make the most amazing scenes they can. In fact, the scene where all three of them sit down and talk about the "pageant," only for the two nuns to blind-side Father Flynn about their suspicions is among the best scenes ever recorded. The blocking, pacing, tone... absolutely brilliant. I couldn't sit still.

Like most movie adaptations of anything, the ending crumbles — in this case, only a little. But none of that matters, because we had our fill of powerful chicanery half-way through the movie.

I have nothing bad to say about this movie.


24 August 2009

Miss March


Not truly awesome. Plot problems near the end.

Too much gross out humor, albeit the pooping was funny... it was just too much.

A movie about playmates needs more boobies than this movie delivered.


Pineapple Express

$1 to the first person who can list three good Judd Apatow movies.

And this isn't one of them.

District 9

So. Damn. Good.

G.I. Joe

Not only was this NOT a complete waste of time, it didn't utterly destroy my fond memories of the characters, either. Although the Korean guy as Storm Shadow made very little sense, his costume was silly, and in general 30% of everyone's dialog was garbage. Also, Snake Eyes' mask was really dumb, many characters never get called by name, Tatum Channing is a lame Duke, the majority of costumes are just bad, and the two worst actors take us a majority of the screen time.

Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 37 vs. Transformer 2's 19... nearly double. Which is sad, because even the worst movie ever made is twice as good as Revenge of the Fallen.

As far as plot-holes go:
The Baroness and Duke romance angle is weak.
The Baron works as scientist for some reason and has to weaponize the nanotech for the Baroness that Destro invented?!?!
Ice sinks.
No Major Bludd, Wild Weasel, or Firefly. What the heck?
No Joe really gets hurt (except Cover Girl who was misused anyway).
As soon as Joe decide he wants to win, there's no way anyone can stop him. Thus killing the tension.
I found myself always rooting for the badguys, because they had better actors and plot-lines.

Good Plot-Points
Marlon Wayans was not a complete waste of screen time.
Some cameos were priceless.
Awesome set up for sequels.
Anything Zartan (please no Dreadnaughts in the sequels).
There's an actor in the movie whose real name is Duncan Bravo... not a character... an actor. How cool is that?
I found myself always rooting for the badguys, because they had better actors and plot-lines.